Loathe-some

The irony of a delusional label, a label of needing help, being unhealthy, and unstable is that the labeler shares the same needs in most cases. Pointing fingers, bringing others down, dragging someone through the mud for self vindication and 'forward movement' is ridiculous and makes no actual sense.
Forgiveness is for yourself and yourself alone. Keep it to that. Love yourself enough to know that mud is noones friend, retaliation is noones friend and death and decay of another through burning them is not an answer to salvation.
My problem? Loving too deeply. Trying too hard. Dissappointement. Dissappointment breeds discontent which breeds excursions into the improper and poor decision making.
I say to myself, find comfort in all that is blessed. All that i'm thankful for. And contentment where I sit. Then the wake of destruction blossoming from discontent will ebb back into the ocean of someone else's sesspool.
And my waters will be still.

I am still. I shall not retaliate. I will continue to pray for those i love. Unconditionally. No matter how well or poor i love,i love deeply. I will continue to that end. Looking forward. Looking up. Looking to a brighter day. I am loved by many. Those who hate shall not endure in my life.

I will overcome,in spite of their 'well wishes'

Hope Must Be RIght Around the Corner

I have prayed everyday that God would somehow change this.I have prayed everyday that God would change me and you.I have prayed that you would forgive me.I have prayed that you’d trust me more.I have prayed for healing.I have prayed for softening.I prayed you wouldn’t give up and quit fighting.I have prayed for you above and beyond myself.
I will continue to pray for you. Nothing has changed on my end except me.
I forgive you for doing this. You’ve made your choice. Thank you for letting me know. My unconditional has not changed no matter the circumstance.

BookEnds

I had two whole weeks to contemplate my small group topic for study last night. And what topic did i pick? Thankfullness. Which, in light of it being thanksgiving the prior week may have not been a stretch. However, thinking back to conversations I had over the last few weeks I took some time to sit and be thankful. And thankful. And thankful. You know what i came up with? There is a lot to be thankful for in my life. So many things, blessings, and people in my life that have brought so much joy, peace, and thanks to my life that it struck me...what am I stressing about?
Wait/What? Is Gary really going to change his stance on existence? Yes, i'm trying.
So my experiment that my group and I are embarking on: Bookends of Thankfullness.

Sitting on a shelf, tens, hundreds, thousands of books. Some Horror, Some Drama, Some Comedy, Romance, Self Help, History, and so on. This shelf is a wild connundrum of existence. On any given day you could pick up one of these books, take it down, and read about wild adventures or horrible misfortune. Destitue souls, or Souls Soaring with Romance. A caucophany of dissarray, displaced writings, and mismatched controversy. Yet what holds this ammalgamation together? BookEnds. BookEnds hold this seemingly mismatched roiling row in place, in hand, and under control.
The shelf is our lives. The book circumstances in them that affect us, either for good or bad, are the books. We become affected. What if thankfullness was our bookends? What if every night before bed, and every morning upon arising, we read our list of what we are thankful for, and pondered that throughout the day?
For the next two weeks. My group and I will embark on a mission of gratitude, thankfulness, and appreciation bookending our day. More to come...